Picture this…you’re watching a movie; a thriller. The main character is about to walk into a building where, unbeknownst to them, the antagonist is about to commit a heinous crime. However, you, the viewer do not know this is about to happen. None the less, you are on the edge of your seat as the main character is walking through the building doors. Why are you on the edge of your seat, anticipating a big moment? It’s not because of the building, the building itself is unremarkable. It’s not because of how the main character is walking; they are calm and steady. But something is setting off that message in your head that something is about to happen; you feel the tension building inside. But why?
There’s one reason…it’s the music! It’s the soundtrack of the movie that is playing a suspenseful little tune in the background. As soon as your brain hears the sound, it activates a response. Suspenseful music means something unpleasant is about to happen and you are now watching and waiting for it. Of course, as expected, the suspense peaks and we witness the dreadful deed. Soundtracks are so key to the movies and television shows we watch. They set the stage in ways we often don’t notice. The music is just as much a part of the words spoken and actions taken by the characters, as the visual cues we see. The soundtrack subtly shapes our emotional response.
It may surprise you that we are also driven in our day-to-day by soundtracks that live inside our minds. These soundtracks are made up of the words we have playing on repeat; things we tell ourselves, and sometimes the things other people have told us. They shape the way we think, the way we carry ourselves, the way we see ourselves, and the way we see the world around us. They are playing constantly, and much like the movie soundtrack, we are hardly ever notice…but we are still so deeply impacted.
For instance, let’s say a child has a hard time staying on task and completing assignments. This manifests in both her academic and home life. The overbearing and abusive father berates this child regularly, telling her she’s a lazy slob. Maybe at first the child doesn’t believe that about themselves. They don’t feel lazy, or like a slob; they actually feel energetic and look forward to engaging in activities. But, over time, they continue to hear this message and it’s coming from one of their primary caregivers. Eventually, the self-image the child had of herself as being energetic gets replaced by her dad’s messaging that she’s lazy and she believes what he says. Her thinking has been conditioned to see herself that way. Without that being challenged, or even awareness that it’s happening, she may go the rest of her life with that message playing ever so dully in the back of her mind. She may work two jobs, have children she is running from one sport to the next, a household she is managing; and even with all that, she believes she is lazy. When she rests, she is telling herself that she’s lazy and should be doing more. The reality is, she is a hardworking, overachieving woman, yet her self-perception remains clouded because the soundtrack that plays constantly is telling her something different. Her self-reality is not based on what is tangible, but instead on an old recording of her father’s words playing in her mind. Likely, she doesn’t even realize that soundtrack is playing and therefore can’t challenge it.
Our soundtracks can come from various places. They aren’t always created during childhood. They could be the result of a partner who exploits one’s insecurities, or the words of someone who holds value in our lives. Wherever these messages come from, one thing is always true; when they are negative, we must challenge them. We must take time to investigate them and find if there is actual evidence that supports these messages. Do these beliefs hold value to us, or do they simply exist because we have been told them so many times? When we notice patterns in our lives that are no longer serving us, but are instead resulting in under-developed relationships, low self-esteem, fears that hold us back from doing things we believe will make us happy, or even shape the perspectives we hold about our roles in our families or the larger world we live in, it’s important that we take time to assess where this is coming from. Are these patterns rooted in our internal dialogue, shaping our actions, behaviors, and perspectives?
Turning the volume up momentarily on our self-talk can be difficult to do because we may not even be aware of the self-talk that is regularly happening. This is where the support of a therapist can be helpful. A therapist who is trained and skilled in cognitive therapy can assist individuals in recognizing how our thoughts can frame our perspectives and beliefs, as well as support us in replacing unhealthy soundtracks with healthy ones.
If you want to explore talking with a therapist to help you make a change in your life’s soundtrack, give us a call at ThoughtWell Counseling Services and we will get you set up for your first session.
856-315-0410
Written by: Dana Hicks, LCSW
ThoughtWell Counseling Services
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